Helping a Child to Settle Into Your Home

All children will have been given information about you, your family and your home before they are placed with you, and you will have spoken to your foster child’s current caregiver, unless it is an emergency placement. You may have been asked to complete a Welcome Book which will include photos of you and your home. In most cases there will be a transition plan where you will have visited them and your foster child will have also visited you before they move in with you. Within this process professionals will ask your foster child about how they feel about living with you and ask you how you feel about the transition.

This will hopefully help in settling your foster child in, but all children will cope differently with either coming into care or a placement move.

You should be provided with sufficient information to help you care for your foster child. If you do not feel you have enough information, please speak with your Fostering Social Worker prior to the placement who will be able to contact the Children's social work team.

It is recommended that you talk to all other children in the household about a new foster child coming to live with you in your home to help them to adjust. It can be helpful to think together about things you can do to welcome them and help them to settle in.

Some children will need more emotional support than others to settle in; some may cope by being more withdrawn or might be more unsettled and show this in their behaviours for a time . Some children may be on their ‘best behaviour’ and might be fearful to show how they feel in case you send them away. Let them know that whatever feelings they have about living with you that is okay. You might suggest things you can do together or things they might to do that might help them cope with their feelings e.g. go for a walk, bike ride, have a bath or do an activity. Take it at their pace. Do not ‘overcrowd’ them, but let them know you are there to support them/to listen. Remember to explain the general rules in the house – these vary so much house to house. Think carefully about boundaries and be clear about them, these are easier to put in from the start than later down the line.

If times get difficult it is important for you to be clear that it is their behaviour which you object to and not them. That you are there to help them with this. Do not expect things to change quickly, it may take time.

Your Fostering Social Worker is there to help and support you through this - remember, discuss the difficulties as they happen and keep a record!

Having a clear structure to your days, including weekends can help children to settle. It is really important that you understand the existing daily routines of your foster child, and think about sticking to these (where they already exist) and if needed slowly change them over time, so there is some continuity for them. Also that you know their likes and dislikes.

Give some attention towardsyour foster child's physical appearance and belongings. Both of these things can help them to feel important and like they matter and belong.  Depending upon the circumstances that have brought them into Accommodation or Care, there may be some difficulties and their belongings might need to be:

• Obtained from home or a previous carer;
• Freshly acquired/replenished/updated, including clothes, toiletries, educational equipment (a school bag), etc However, this may require sensitivity and patience in some areas (As this can sometimes feelcritical or dismissive to children of their existing belongings).

If the placement with you is a short-term or temporary placement, when your foster child 'moves on' please make sure that their belongings are packed carefully and moved in appropriate luggage. A child's belongings should never be transported in bin-bags or other inappropriate containers.

Everyone in your household will take time to adjust to a child moving into your home. If you have other children in your home they may feel neglected by you because some of your time is given to another child. Children can copy other children’s behaviour, sometimes this is helpful and sometimes it is unhelpful. It will be useful to discuss this and any other concerns or risks when you are developing your Safer Caring family plan with your Fostering Social Worker and Children’s Social Worker. See Developing a Safer Caring Plan. 

Please look at the Supporting Children’s Identity - A Foster Carer’s Guide leaflet (Local Resources) for ideas about how to promote and support your foster child to feel positive about their identity and to value diversity. The following information will be useful and should be gathered from the children's social worker and parents where possible:

• What your foster child prefers to be called;
• What do they like to do? Hobbies, interests, activities and clubs;
• What are they scared of/worried about?
• What comforts them? Does it help regulate them if they can move around? A hug? A particular activity such as colouring? Or is there a particular object e.g. do they have a dummy or a comforter - like a teddy or a blanket? What is it called? Older children may have these things but might be embarrassed to tell you about them;
• Clothes and belongings are important; if they bring any with them don't throw them away straight away even if they are too small (some items may be a part of your foster child's important memories). As appropriate, encourage them to choose with you what to wear;
• They may be uncomfortable bathing or undressing in front of a stranger – be sensitive and find out what they areused to;
• Which people are important to your foster child. Who is in their birth family. What are their friends called;
• Food - likes, dislikes, routine, religious or cultural preferences or requirements;
• Bedtime and morning routines;
• Skincare and hair care;
• Pets-likes and dislikes and fears;
• Medical information and allergies;
• Any communication difficulties;
• Any specific equipment e.g. if the child has a disability.

If you are caring for a child with a disability, you should:

• Speak to the child's Social Worker to get as much information as possible about them. Remember that they are a child first and foremost and think about them holistically. It’s important to remember their strengths. However, it is also important for you to understand about their disability and their needs:
  • Learn as much as you can about their needs. Reach out to professionals who know your foster child(e.g. a medical professional, speech and language therapist or mental health practitioner or teacher, etc.;
  • Think about your training needs;
  • Ask people to explain any medical terms or acronyms that they use but you do no’t understand.
• As for all children it is important to
  • Have realistic expectations about where your foster child is in their development and to have clear boundaries;
  • Be clear with your foster child where they will need your assistance/ support (for their safety and development);
  • Praise and encourage them. Notice and acknowledge what they can do;
  • Support them to live a fulfilling life by engaging in a range of activities, playing with other children and learning developmentally appropriate life skills;
  • Ensure you have support from your Fostering Social Worker.

Many caregivers find it helpful to talk to other carers/parents who are caregivers for children with similar needs. This can be on a one to one basis and /or through training and/or groups.